'Ruined!!!' (Revised): A Battleship

Having shown 'Ruined', the poem that i posted on here in November of 2006, to a friend and my creative writing tutor, i have decided to take into consideration their edits, and suggestions. Hence, i would now like to present 'A Battleship', courtesy of my Creative writing tutor and my close friend.

A battleship
Man's machine
Powerful
Terrifying
Ruler of the sea.

It knows every plane,
every country,
every ship,
every bomb,
every target,
every threat.
It knows them,
all.

It sails on a path, straight and steady.
Never falters,
Never diverts.
At a steady speed,
It sails

on towards its
target.
Once there, it
Ruins,
Demolishes,
Annihilates,
leaving nothing.

It's efficient,
quick,
accurate,
Perfect.

Then comes a
Storm.
Something different,
Alien. The battleship doesn't know,
what it is,
what to do.

The Thunder,
the Lightening,
the Rain,
the Hail.

Then BOOM...


Helplessness...

Engulfing the battleship,
surrounding it,
hiding it,
blanketing it.

The time has come,
it has fallen;
In all its
glory.

The storm;
it surprised,
it rocked the battleship.
It was quick,
efficient,
accurate,
Perfect.

It's exposed,
naked,
bare.
No longer a battleship...
...not even a ship.




Very different i know.
One may argue that editing is where the real story comes to the fore. Personally i disagree strongly. I believe that editing, whilst necessary, in poetry, it destroys the integrity of the piece.
My view, though, not the view of the many academic and critical thinkers of today, who'd argue they know more about english literature than i do. Any- how; All's well that ends well.
The new and revised version of 'Ruined!!!'. Enjoy.