It turned out, as Maria found out a few days after the ball, that Stephanje wasn't the only Russian there. He had accompanied his cousin, the tsarevitch Alexander. Maria shared a dance with both. It was Stephanje she admired, but it was Alexander who was there for her. Stephanje, not being married, was bound by custom to dance with the Princess. He was of course, a bachelor. This, Maria extrapolated, was the reason why he'd answered her, in a way, rudely. Why he didn't wish to indulge in the thought of marriage.
Her father begun to pester her. It was time she'd made a choice. Maria did make her choice. It wasn't a real shock, but it did cause a stir; the very foundations of her soul shook. Soon after announcing her choice to her parents, Maria was on her way to Saint Petersburg. Although her choice was not yet known to the Russian tsarevitch, Stephanje would recieve a surprise.
Stephanje was away on duty in his barracks when a messenger of the Tsar's approached. He saw the messenger approaching from the window of his office. He prepared himself. The messenger entered and bowed to him. Stephanje acknowledged the messenger and allowed him to deliver his message. His father, and his uncle, the Tsar, wished to see him, post- post haste at Tsarskoe- Celo. Stephanje immediately left with the messenger. When his father called, the matter was important. When his uncle and Tsar called, something was happening.
Stephanje entered the office of his uncle and Tsar, he bowed. His uncle, as always, was happy to see him, and spoke to him as always. His father, on the other hand, was more anxious. The Tsar asked Stephanje to sit.
"Stephanje, the Princess Maria of Denmark is here and has announced her choice for suitor." Begun the Tsar abruptly and promptly. Stephanje missed the point, and wore a smile.
"I am glad God has allowed such a blessing upon you, my Tsar, and your son, my cousin-" Stephanje stopped at the Tsar's chuckle and his fathers nervous laugh. The smile dissappeared. Now Stephanje knew what his uncle meant.
"You mean she chose me?!" He stood, indignified. What was she playing at? He had told her he wanted nothing of marriage. The Tsar stood up to calm the lad. Stephaje loved his uncle, but he respected him as Tsar, and thus, obliged immediately.
"Calm yourself Stephanje, the matter can be easily resolved. Your cousin doesn't know yet. Thus, you still have time to make a choice. This is, of course, a proposal for your hand, too. So, do you accept?" the Tsar looked at him. The Romanov- blue eyes staring into his. Soft, gentle, yet honourable and regal. Stephanje made his choice.
"May i have a moment to speak with the Princess myself?" He asked. The Tsar nodded. He pointed to a door on the left of the office.
"She is in the west study," He said.
"And Stephanje," Stephanje looked back. The Tsar looked right at him, seemingly, inside him too.
"Don't be to tough, she is only responding the way any girl would. Don't take that as an insult, God has been gracious to you. Be slightly thankful." The Tsar said wisely. Stephanje felt terrible at the way he'd behaved earlier. He bowed out of respect. Then left the office.
He entered the west study and saw her sitting by a window looking out. She looked up as he entered. She stood and courtseyed. Stephanje bowed. She stepped a little closer. She looked slightly anxious too. She smiled kindly though.
"Many good wishes of welcome Your Highness. I hope your journey to our Russia was easy?" He begun politely.
"It was good enough." Maria replied simply. There was tension in the room. An awkwardness.
"You chose me?" Stephanje stated.
"I love you!" Maria returned. She smiled nervously again.
Stephaje smiled gently.
"But i told you i wasn't looking for marriage. I'm looking for something else."
"What?" Maria asked, wanting to know.
"I...i want peace, solitude, to be a priest." He said finally.
Maria stared at him. Her heart broke. He wanted, not only to remain unmarried, but to completely shut himself off interacting with her for good.
"This isn't about you, it is something i've wanted to do since i can remember."
"Then why did you come to the ball?" Maria tried to hold back tears, but the damn things got in her eyes anyway.
"Out of obligation, not want."
"You said you'd marry me-"
"If i didn't think i'd end up like my father!" Stephanje spoke over her. He was calm, and spoke gently. It only made the words hurt more. Too much good behaviour pounded into them from a young age, Maria and Stephaje were able to scream, but prefered not to. It contradicted the way they wanted to live their lives. All they had been taught about how they should live their lives.
Maria turned away from him. She begun to cry silently. She looked out of the window. In the distance she could see the Cathedral where the Archbishop of Saint Petersburg often conducted the liturgies of the Orthodox faith. The bells of the cathedral were the biggest in all the city, the only one's to contest the greatness of those at the Patriarchal palace in Moscow. They rung now in a sequence. It was loud, and beautiful. Steaphanje shifted behind her. Maria turned. He was staring, longingly out of the window in the direction of the cathedral.
"Is that what you really want?" she asked him. He looked at her, smiled gently and nodded. Maria sighed softly. She stepped closer to him, gave him a kiss on each cheek, then one extra on his right cheek. She stepped back, smiled at him.
"Then go now. Maybe if you hurry you can be the one to marry me." She smiled at him with tears in her eyes again. He smiled at her. Kissed her hand, the turned and left.
Stephanje left the palace and went immediately to the cathedral. He returned that night to his fathers residence, on the out- skirts of Saint Petersburg. He wa to attend the college of Theology in Saint Petersburg as soon as the year begun. He would study for a year, after which he would be, God willing, ordained a deacon. It was soon news around the nation, that the Tsar's nephew was giving up his royalty, to become the first royal ordained a priest. He left home immediately to begin spending time, and getting used to being away from the "Out side" world he was used to.
Maria was convinced by Stephanje, soon after his return from the cathedral, to take his cousin, Alexander. Maria was to remain in Saint Petersburg for another week. In this one week she grew more fond, and closer with Stephanje than even they noticed. It was only when, at the end of the week, Maria accepted Alexander's proposal, and Stephanje took his leave from all to go to the cathedral, that they both realised how theirs was a love forbidden. Their love would not do to be seen, or acknowledged, ever again. It would be better to bury it, and forget it, than to risk having it resurface.
c. John Apotsis 2008- 2009
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